Note To Future Self

Note to future self: do not, under any circumstances, eat, purchase, or even smell McDonald’s ever again. Do not order their double quarter pounder with cheese and finish it even though you are full. Do not drink a large Dr. Pepper with a full pound of sugar and more caffeine than a can of jolt. Do not thereafter pretend this was a normal meal, where digestion follows its natural course through the body. Do not, after said meal, attempt to sleep through the night without waking up several times with nervousness from all the foreign chemicals in your body, and nausea from this puck-like biscuit said company dares to call “meat.”

Please. Please, future self, remember this. Okay?