Ink, noun. October 1, 2006 – Posted in: Aberrant Normalcy

From Ambrose Bierce’s The Devil’s Dictionary:

“INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime. The properties of ink are peculiar and contradictory: it may be used to make reputations and unmake them; to blacken them and to make them white; but it is most generally and acceptably employed as a mortar to bind together the stones of an edifice of fame, and as a whitewash to conceal afterward the rascal quality of the material. There are men called journalists who have established ink baths which some persons pay money to get into, others to get out of. Not infrequently it occurs that a person who has paid to get in pays twice as much to get out.”

I would therefore like to add a new entry:

“INTERNET, n. An ethereal place of electrons and ephemera known as web sites, chiefly used to facilitate the excessive masturbatory habits of the human species, but occasionally used for commerce and news. Any individual with an iota of something to say may create a web site and declare himself expert. If one denies the veracity of said claims, one may engage author of a web site in a flame war (see ‘geek terms’) to prove that, in fact, there are no opinions on the Internet, only Truth. However, if one declares his site ‘authoritative’ he may thus deny visitors the right to contest. (See FoxNews.com). Also, one may publish wild theories about the nature of government, religion, and reality. Evidence is unnecessary, but if challenged, one may resort to circular arguments or links to other web sites of similar material. Pop-up ads are a common and welcome reminder that nothing is as good for a country as a healthy economy. While the Internet is not immune to contagions, STDs are not a recurring problem.”

Now, I urge you to come up with an entry of your own.